Dear Reader:

Let’s jump right in with The Two Worlds of Jennie Logan.

Set the scene, shall I? 

It’s Wednesday night, specifically October 31, 1979. Halloween. 9:00 P.M. Should you go to bed? Nah. The CBS Wednesday Night Movie is about to start. Ooohh, it’s The Two Worlds of Jennie Logan. Of course, that’s the adaptation of David L. Williams’ book Second Sight, a pretty solid read a couple years ago. Who’s in it, I wonder? Lindsay Wagner! The Bionic Woman! That’s all I need to hear, I AM IN!

Time to settle in for a straightforward romantic fantasy drama. I’m just finishing this brand new item on the McDonald’s menu, called a Happy Meal. I have my Ding Dong and my TAB Cola. My last remaining worries of the day are slipping away.

Wow, I hope that hostage crisis in Iran ends soon, it’s been over a year since those people have been heard from. This year has been bonkers so far – Pope John Paul II came to America, John Wayne died, those Harvey Milk riots in San Francisco, the one crazy Disco Demolition Night and so on. I hope Jimmy Carter can still win the upcoming election after that “Confidence” doozy.

10 was pretty good but When A Stranger Calls was kind of predictable. None of those other films matter though because Star Trek: The Motion Picture is going to blow us all away. But gas prices are at a super high 86¢ and tickets already cost $2.51! Damn energy crisis! One thing I know for sure though, man, my TV’s visual quality is so state-of-the-art.

>>> FULL MOVIE HERE <<<<

The Two Worlds of Jennie Logan opens with a close-up of a Victorian painting of a country home, and what I can only describe as an eerie synth cuckoo clock on the score. The painting fade transitions to the home today complete with an antenna on the roof, and is shown by a placard to be called the Reynolds House. It is up for sale.

Touring the old home is a young married couple, Michael and Jennie Logan, who are guided by a real estate agent spouting on about history and legacy and death. Jennie is clearly in love with the house, while her doting husband Mike looks on lovingly at her excitement. She admires the antique cabinets before they all head upstairs.

As the agent leaves them alone to discuss what they think of the home, we get our first sign that all may not be well in the Logan marriage. Mike wants “things to be the way they were.” Jennie only wants the house if they both agree they want it together, especially since it would require an hour-long train commute everyday for Mike to get to work. Mike says he’d live in the Taj Mahal if she wanted to. That’s a tomb, Mike.

While Jennie laments all the attempts to modernize the home (i.e. central air, a fresh coat of paint), they both agree to purchase the home. Before heading downstairs, Jennie finds herself drawn to the attic but the agent warns her against investigating since it’s so old and untouched.

Cut to Mike washing his 70s brown car on the front lawn. Shirtless. Wearing tight jeans. He drinks from the hose like a dog. Jennie looks down from the upstairs window where she struggles to scrape away the house’s fresh coat of white paint. Suddenly, she has visions of her shirtless husband writhing in a bed with another woman.

Jennie is stirred from her reverie when she hears a sound come from the attic. Entering the realm of cobwebs, she discovers the attic’s porthole-window is slamming open and closed due to the wind. At the forefront of the room is a ghostly sheet draped over a mannequin. As Jennie explores the room, she is drawn to remove the sheet, which reveals a white Victorian dress with a hole in the shoulder.

Jennie is unexpectedly spooked by Mike who’s followed her to the attic. Still shirtless. Stills 70s jacked as he flexes his arm to camera. Jennie exclaims that she found an heirloom. Mike goes in for a kiss but Jennie dodges him, which he brushes off. Jennie regrets hurting him so she calls him back so she can touch his bare chest during a hug.

Some time later, Jennie meets up with her friend Beverly in the city. According to Bev, the country agrees with Jennie – a romantic, a real throwback. The country girl goes onto reminisce about her favorite memories of staying with her grandparents on their Ohio farm.

Apparently, Jennie had been in a depressive slump for the past year as a result of . . . *you guessed it* . . . Mike’s infidelity. Jennie claims she never knew who the other woman was, but as he’s a professor, she suspected it might be one of his students. Bev calls them an occupational hazard. Yikes. Either way, Bev is eager to see the dress Jennie keeps raving about, even if it means missing out on another wild weekend on Fire Island with one of her many boyfriends.

By the time she returns home, Jennie’s had the dress fitted and shoulder mended, so she can just like wear it around her house? The first time she dons the dress, things feel odd. But she descends to the living room to show Mike, who’s occupying the couch with his Budweiser and watching the basketball game. He remarks how lovely she looks then trains his eyes back to the screen.

While Jennie wants Mike to dance with her (flowy skirts do that to a girl apparently), he’s basically like “Bitch, wait ‘til halftime.” Mike gets upset that Jennie’s blocking the TV set. They argue. She brushes it off and returns to the attic. While looking sadly through the porthole, she suffers a sudden and debilitating migraine and blacks out.

Jennie awakes in the attic, but it’s not her attic. Antiques, art supplies, and candles have replaced electric lights and her expressionist paintings. She suddenly hears a violent argument occurring downstairs between an old man and a much younger man over some woman named Pamela. Shocked and scared, Jennie opens her eyes to see she’s returned to her attic.

Immediately removing the dress, a very shaken Jennie seeks comfort from her husband. Mike presumes it was all a dream concocted from her vintage obsession – a combination of the house and the dress – so she’s obviously “got old on the brain.”

Later that night, Jennie and Mike hear the sound of breaking glass originating from downstairs. Corny mood music accompanies a shirtless Mike as he leaves to investigate. Somehow, the antique cabinet Jennie admired has been broken as though someone threw something through it. All the glass is on the inside of the cabinet, Mike notices before going to clean it up. He makes her laugh by playing with the garbage can lid.

Bev and her boyfriend Don visit the country manor. They like it but think that it might be haunted by a poltergeist. Out of nowhere, Bev drops the knowledge that there’s a “theory” that the past, present, and future exist simultaneously, and if you can figure it out, a person can travel between them.

The men laugh off the theory. Don thinks the whole country is going insane with its spiritual and supernatural fascination, i.e. reincarnation, exorcisms, etc. Mike responds with a simple, “Right on.” Continuing to be an asshole, Don belittles Bev and her intelligence.

The foursome decide to go for a walk. Everyone, wearing 70s clothing, go ahead while the Victorian-clad heroine stays behind to get her hat. As Jennie jogs to catch up with them, she has another migraine while crossing the street. She grips the wooden pole of a power line for support but comes to leaning against a tree. There’s no paved street in sight, only dirt roads.

Down one such road, Jennie spies a man in a carriage who starts to scream “Pamela” and speeds towards her. He is 3/4 shirtless. Frightened, Jennie runs but falls on her face in the dirt road. She awakes face first on the paved street where Mike finds her, hysterical.

Later that evening, Mike makes a move on Jennie but she has another vision of him cheating. She pushes him away, but Mike persists to question whether things will ever be as before – “I put my hand in the cookie jar and I got caught.”

Jennie lays it out for him. Mike broke her trust and words aren’t going to fix it. The fact that he claims the sex meant nothing to him makes it worse for her somehow, because to her, that means he sees intimacy as temporary and easily transferable.

Because she’s forgiven him for the act itself and believes in the institution of marriage, Jennie wants it to work. However, anytime they have sex, she can’t help but believe that it’s never about love for him but just the physical. Mike agrees to be more patient.

Meanwhile, Jennie finds herself back in the attic and wearing the dress now that Mike’s left for work. In her driveway, Jennie’s gripped by another migraine and awakes to the manor as it once was – flowers, vibrant blue exterior, white picket gate, and dirt roads. Again she sees the mysterious man, this time on a row boat in the middle of a lake with his dog.

Sneaking closer, the dog spots her. The man is 3/4 shirtless and begins to scream “Pamela! I love you! Stay!” He attempts to row to shore to catch her but is restricted by his tight pants. Jennie makes it back to the road where she almost gets crushed by a horse, i.e. run over by a car.

Jennie and Mike return to the city so she can see a psychiatrist. Dr. Lauren recommends that Mike continue to be a good, supportive husband until they know more information about Jennie’s issues.

Undeterred, Jennie goes to the local historical society to find out more about the house. Turns out the oldest citizen of the town is over 100 years old and is known affectionately as “Aunt Betty.” The head of the society, Mrs. Bates, relays that an artist once lived in the house but died young. He married into one of the town’s oldest families. His bride, Pamela, was killed the day of the wedding by some rogue horses.

The artist’s name was David Reynolds. He claimed to have seen the ghost of his bride near his home but she always disappeared. Everyone thought he was mad, especially after he took up with another woman so soon after. The night of the town’s turn-of-the-century celebration, David was murdered mysteriously via a gunshot wound, either by his bitter father-in-law Mr. Harrington or his unknown lover.

Only one of his paintings survived. When the original is revealed, Jennie realizes the subject is the spitting image of her in the dress she found. Jennie is shocked.

This time, Mike lays it out for her. He sees all of this as a massive coincidence because reincarnation is bunk. Furthermore, he thinks she’s crazy and has created this ideal man in her mind to punish him. Mike finally asserts that even though he wants her to be well again, she can’t keep fleeing from reality.

Dr. Lauren, the psychiatrist, concurs and sees the dress as the subconscious trigger that prevents Jennie from moving on with her life and accepting the reality. 35 minutes in and Jennie’s already like “What is reality?” She and the doc disagree over the latter’s suggestion to destroy the dress.

Cut to the Reynolds House. You know the routine. Jennie. Dress. Migraine. Back in time we go. She finds David in the front yard, this time only 1/2 shirtless. He is sawing some wood quite intensely. Jennie calls to him and with a quick zoom to his face, he is again calling out for “Pamela.” David’s already out of breath by the time he realizes Jennie and Pamela are not the same person.

Tight pants and ass to camera, David offers her some refreshments if she comes inside. When Jennie notices the broken cabinet, David admits to causing the damage in a moment of grief and rage. To be honest, David is channeling some major William Shatner vibes in his delivery. He’s glad that she’s come and so is she.

Next thing Jennie knows, a carriage rolls up on the house and David pulls out a rifle and starts shooting at it. Apparently, the carriage dwellers are detectives hired by Mr. Harrington who thinks David married/murdered Pamela for her inheritance.

More than a little disturbed, Jennie decides she wants to go home. She states very clearly that she must go alone. David flips/whooshes his hair and picks her some flowers. Jennie awakes in the present still carrying the bouquet. Returning home, she gazes longingly at her flowers. Mike notices and is perturbed. That night, an again shirtless Mike enters the bedroom with the hopes of getting down. Jennie instead is deep in sleep, while a single tear escapes her eye.

Jennie continues to travel back in time to see David. This visit, she finds him sitting on his lawn sketching with his dog, Old Napoleon. Uh-oh, Pamela’s older sister Elizabeth shows up because even though she wants to fuck David, she still brought her BF to have an awkward picnic together. Tension builds. Turns out she used to be David’s model before Pamela entered the picture. Pun unintended. They leave after lunch.

Jennie lets David know that Elizabeth is straight-up down to get that. David reassures her that whatever was there was unrequited on his part. However, he does confess that Elizabeth has good reason to be jealous of Jennie, who then agrees to return the next day so he can sketch her.

Jennie lets it drop that she’s actually married. Initially, David is upset but decides to use his words to work out that he’s interested in Jennie for herself not the superficial resemblance to Pamela – “God forgive me, you’ve made me forget her.” Caressing her face, he goes on to declare that there’s “something magical” about her, as though he’s known and loved her for years. P.D.A on the Victorian front lawn, ya’ll.

Papa Harrington shows up at the worst time to condemn David’s lack of public grief or discretion. He further warns David against chatting up Elizabeth, and “until the wheels of justice put a proper end to [his] villainy,” Papa Harrington will always be there. Victorian death threats, classy and to-the-point.

The death threats keep Jennie up worrying well into the evening. In the wee hours of the late night, she is finally compelled to search her trash can for the cabinet’s broken glass . . . so she can kiss the shards like a crazy person. Mike catches her, and is like “Bitch, that’s fucking weird.”

He claims he wants to help her but Jennie retorts that his “help” means consistently trying to convince her that she’s crazy. She admits to going back in time to meet David, while Mike protests that he can’t compete with imaginary men. Jennie brings up the cheating. Oh no, marriage spat turned argument is in full effect.

Mike thinks a vacation will do them good but she doesn’t want to go anywhere with him. Well, why not go to Fire Island for a week to get away from the house and hang out with Bev. Jennie apologizes for the outbursts and agrees to the Fire Island idea.

Nope, she’s just lying to Mike and going back in time instead, so David can “sketch” her. All it takes is a fair day of parasols, boat rides, comedic tumbles into the water, and mutual “fuck me eyes” and Jennie. Is. Ready. Still afraid to remove her dress for fear of being sent back to the present, she’s cautious. No worries though, she’s firmly planted in 1899. Dress or no dress.

David and Jennie apparently bone off-screen. Fireside, she helps him light his pipe, which is not a euphemism. He’s fully shirtless and doesn’t seem to mind that she has a husband.

The next day, Jennie returns to the historical society to learn about a potential duel that may have killed David, according to town rumor. One of the employees even shows her Papa Harrington’s antique pistols, which due to the technology of the time, were very unreliable. Jennie is then allowed to talk to the town centenarian “Aunt Betty.”

Now, I’m not gonna mince words here, Aunt Betty’s make-up job makes her look like a fucking monster. Ok, moving on. Jennie and Aunt Betty have a moment but the latter feigns illness before any new information can be learned.

Meanwhile, Jennie is extraordinarily good at pretending to love her husband. The “loving” couple go window-shopping and he buys her a hand-painted locket. Together fireside, Mike mournfully reminisces about their life before he cheated. Either way, Jennie can’t seem to focus on the present.

Mike lights his pipe. Jennie stares at the pipe. Rather curtly, Mike asks whether “He has a pipe?” They fight over David yet again. He accurately accuses her of not caring about him or their marriage, especially since they haven’t gotten down in quite a long time. Jennie apologizes for hurting him again and starts to sleep in the attic.

No longer sharing the marital bed, Jennie is plagued by nightmares of the impending duel. She awakes in David’s arms. Ooohhhh, so she isn’t sleeping in the attic to avoid Mike but to be alone so she can go back to David! Reminder, Jennie continues to wear her wedding ring throughout all of this.

Jennie asks David if he believes in life after death. He gives her the typical artist’s answer, that the act of making art gives him the feeling of godliness, and spiritual transcendence, the same feeling he gets when he’s getting down with Jennie. That he’s immortal. How very Hemingway of him. David, who’s kind of ripped, reveals his painting of her, the one that now hangs in the town’s historical society.

David begs Jennie to leave her husband and go with him to Europe, because “I need you more than he does.” Damn, David. She agrees as long as they can leave before the turn-of-the-century celebration. Elizabeth inconveniently stops by, covertly smells David’s pipe. Again, not a euphemism. David, 3/4 shirtless again, confronts her downstairs. She makes a move before seeing a robe-clad Jennie also descend the stairs.

Oh no, Papa Harrington also entered the scene. No locked doors apparently. He commands Elizabeth to leave and then challenges David to a duel.

Returning to the present, Jennie has a painful conversation with Mike. She proceeds to go on for a very long time about how much she loves David, wants to be with him, have his children, and never return to her own time. Like just rubs it in his face. However, she does promise to let Mike know somehow that she’s happy despite the barrier of time.

The night of the celebration Jennie breaks into Papa Harrington’s house to tamper with the duel pistols. She hears him dressing for that night’s celebration, and he seems to hate his own daughter.

At the ball, David is fully clothed for the first time, Victorian ruffle-front shirt and all. Buttoned all the way up if you can believe it. He awaits Jennie’s arrival to the party, which an incensed Elizabeth spots. Her BF is there too. His name is Edward, in case you weren’t wondering. Jennie and David dance, and really push the Victorian limit on P.D.A.

Suddenly, Jennie recalls that the two primary rumors surrounding David’s death are the duel and the presence of a mysterious woman, i.e. her. So she books it and leaves him standing on the dance floor. Returning to the present, Jennie receives a call from the historical society. Aunt Betty would like to speak to her. Turns out . . . *twist* . . . she’s Elizabeth Harrington. And she was the one who murdered David, waiting in the bushes with her gun during the duel.

Apparently, she confessed her feelings to David, who then savagely rejected her. Elizabeth now speaks to Jennie as though she knows her (because she does), causing Mrs. Bates great confusion. Jennie rushes home to save David. But oh no, Mike is home, furious, betrayed, drunk, and holding the time-traveling dress hostage. Jennie tears the dress away and runs to the attic, causing the rip she saw when she first discovered the dress.

Mike, incensed, stomps over to the attic and threatens to break down the door and burn the dress. Too late, Jennie has fled to the past to save David. In the empty field where the duel has commenced, David shoots into the ground then drops his weapon. Unable to shoot an unarmed man, Papa Harrington surrenders the duel. Just then, Elizabeth emerges from the bushes with her gun drawn, but Jennies rushes towards her. A single gunshot rings out.

Mike finally succeeds in breaking down the attic door, where he finds a perfectly still Jennie laid upon the bed. After realizing that she’s not fucking with him, he touches her cold skin. Jennie Logan, 1979, is dead. Lindsay Wagner, though, is definitely still breathing. Mike mourns over her dead body, followed by a quick and somber funeral.

Mike moves out of the Reynolds House. Can’t exactly blame him. While reminiscing in the attic, he notices the tear in Jennie’s dress. But surprise surprise! One of the movers discovers antique paintings hidden behind a wall. The numerous artworks show Jennie’s and David’s wedding, her honeymoon in Paris, the birth of her first child, her growing family, and finally, an image of Jennie in old age. David, the presumed artist, is not present. In each progression, she is wearing the hand-painted locket Mike bought for her.

Realizing that Jennie was right the whole time and lived a happy life, Mike tears up, sad but joyful. The End.

NOW, The Two Worlds of Jennie Logan is actually a pretty solid film. Well-executed concept, technical competency, and convincing production design. Probably the most intriguing element of the film is the absolute dedication to the objectification of male characters as part of the hetero-female fantasy. Hence, why I mentioned every single time Mike or David was in a state of undress or sexualized via the camerawork or costume design. Truly fascinating. Unfortunately, no white people sex jazz in earshot.

Obviously, the film is not perfect beyond the expected corniness and cheesiness. No character is left unscathed. Mike cheated on Jennie, seems to measure the state of his marriage by quantity of boning, and potentially exploited an unequal power dynamic to have sex with a student. David moves on from Pamela’s death incredibly fast, has no problem cavorting with a married woman, and cruelly rejects Elizabeth (who happens to be an attempted murderer). And oh dear lord, Jennie! She cheats on her husband, flaunts it openly and brutally, and still tries to claim the high ground.

Of course the film also engages in thoughtless nostalgia for the Victorian era. You know, a time when being anything other than a wealthy, white straight man was just shit. Female-oriented fantasy thrives in that gray area of chivalrous nostalgia.

Furthermore, if we’re being honest, we both know the best version of this story came out almost one year after Jennie Logan – Somewhere in Time (1980). Time travel. Victorian setting. Romance. Even mental projection to the past via a theory of contemporaneous timelines. Based on the novel Bid Time Return by Richard Matheson, published in 1975, two years before the book Jennie Logan is based upon. Coincidence?

Well, that about does it. Tune in soon for more of that . . .

White People Sex Jazz!